April 1 – Audiophile Review obtained a copy of a secret arrangement
between Magico, Wilson Audio, and YG Acoustics agreeing to merge. The
preliminary contract mentions several potential names for the new enterprise,
including MAGWILY, $1MperCo, and I.O.U Acoustics.
The goal of the merger, according to papers, purloined by the
infamous hacker group AzA, is “World domination of speaker sales between
$50,000 and $100,000.” The new company will be based on the Utah/Colorado
border in a small town called New Ordway, whose previous claim to fame was when
a polygamist group vanished overnight back in 1984, never to be heard from
again. The new company will occupy this former religious complex that features over
twenty bathrooms and five and one half hot tubs.
The first product from the new firm will feature a special
tweeter developed in conjunction with NOA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric)
that boasts flat frequencies out to 250 kHz. Made principally of Copernicium,
an element made up of super-heavy atoms, the new tweeter is only 48 dB
efficient and requires approximately 10,000 watts to drive to normal listening
To fill a pressing need for a 10,000-watt amplifier, the
company’s early press release mentions work is almost complete on the late
Harvey Rosenberg’s “Black Hole” amplifier. The first prototype “Red Dwarf”
model will be tested in late June during a period of maximum solar flare
activity (necessary for the tube heater warm up charge) and production models should
be available before the 2013 CES. Several nearby stars have already been
earmarked as potential power-supply sources for the amplifier and auxiliary
comets will be available for those who prefer a more off the grid power source.
April Fools. No Merger. No New Ordway. No Aza. No MAGWILY. No
NOA. No Black Hole.
Copernicium is real, though, just not in a tweeter…