The new Green Hope for Audio

A recently released study by The Institute For a Comfortable Future predicts that the audio
industry will see a resurgence of interest during the next ten years as more
states adopt liberal medical marijuana laws. “It’s really very simple,” said
Frank Stoner, head of research at the Gia
Center for Herbal Growth.” When people ingest marijuana they’re going to
listen to more music TURNED UP LOUD. They just can’t help it. We humans are
hard-wired that way.” 

The phrase “Let’s get stoned and listen to music” is being
heard more often than any time since the mid 60’s, which coincidentally was
also the last time the audio industry turned a profit.

According to GAO bathtub curves on stereo receiver longevity,
a lot of 70’s and 80’s stereos are going to get blown up in the very near
future, which will force their owners to buy new ones. When I asked Stoner
about blown-up stereos he told me, “Oh, I foresee a lot of that happening. It
could be a real health hazard, especially when you factor in how deaf many of
these older folks really are…”

I found another study, published in the Scandinavian Journal for Pedestrian Culture. It found that people
under the influence of marijuana tend to drive less because they would rather
stay home. While home, they are very likely to listen to music while waiting
for the next episode of “Ace of Cakes” to air on TV. Also, since they’re
driving less, marijuana users will have more money to spend on audio gear and
cake recipe books.

I talked with Carl Hoofer, who has a marijuana prescription
for his back spasms. He told me, ” I think it’s way more fun to walk from point
A to point B while under the influence, and I know my musical appreciation has
also increased. I mean last week I bought a reissue CD of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s
Willie and the Poorboys and I almost played
it all night long, but some smoke came out of the top of my Nikko receiver and
the music stopped. I guess I’ll go buy a Meridian Sooloos now.”

Just remember reefer is very, very good for the audio
business.

APRIL FOOLS !?!